Common Questions

Do I talk about this?

My husband uses porn

Porn habit discovered

You know your life has fallen apart. Your husband has been using porn. That deep feeling in the pit of your stomach is the feeling of betrayal. Shock, anger, bitterness, grief are all feelings that are true to the crisis. Thinking, 'This is his problem, he needs to deal with it.' is one of the normal reactions. Many questions go through your mind such as, 'what else don't I know?' There are many reactions to this horrendous news. What's the next step?

You may have already talked to your best friend or a trusted confidant, or  you may be so shamed by this that you feel there's no one to turn to for help. 

You are not alone in  this. This crisis of sexual betrayal has been worked through by many others. You need to seek help. Contacting a certified mentor for spouses is a great first step. You will be guided to address trauma you've experienced. You will find what your next steps should be in your particular crisis. 

It is important to begin this now. Your health and well being depends on this.

You are in a crisis. Some of the emotions of this crisis can be shame, anger, helplessness, hurt, confusion. Most people feel like they are the only one who has faced this, that they are alone in this. This is not true. It is vital for you to reach out to a person you trust who is experienced in recovering from this type of crisis.  

Mentors who are trained and certified in sexual addiction recovery and certified spouses mentoring can be vital to contact. A mentor will help you begin to sort things out. You may have had  adverse childhood experineces that have contributed to this, just to name one area.  As mentors, we walk the path of recovering your life and are able to recommend the best resources for guiding the decisions you will be making. Typically it takes 2-5 years for recovery and restoration from sexual addicitons or compulsions. The relationship you will have with a mentor can be 1 to 3 years, with the first year being crucial to lifelong restoration.

You feel like your life is falling apart. Honestly, your life has been falling apart for awhile. This is not what a person wants to hear but it is true. When your secret life was exposed it changed almost everything about how you live your life. Your number one priority is to seek help. Our culture praises independence and self-made success. That independence and self suffeciency helped to lead you to this crisis. 

Mentors who are trained and certified in sexual addiciton recovery can be a great place to start.  As a mentor I will help you begin to sort things out, walk the path of recovering your life and be able to recommend the best practices and resources for guiding the decisions you will be making. Mentors are trail guides who know the terrain of this path you will take and will advise and facilitate you along the way.

The most important decision is to start now. Today and each day from now on depends on starting immeadiatly. 

Your Brain On Porn: 

The Effects of Internet Porn on the Brain (2015). For a general overview of Internet porn’s effects & rebooting. This video does not advocate for the removal of porn on the internet. It is not religious. It does explain the effects that porn usage has and how our brains are affected. It has well documented research footnote that acompany it.

Follow the link below for the video.

Yes, and it's free.

The ability to use the internet for sexual purposes is increasing daily with online chatrooms, discreet liaisons, pornography sites, fetish cams, etc. This brief survey asks several questions about your online behaviors and your feelings about them. After you have completed the 53 questions, you are provided a quick report that identifies different resources for help as well as your score.

Follow the link below for the assessment.

What happens to me 

with porn?

Is there a Internet Sex screening test? 

Yes and it's free.

The Sexual Addiction Screening Test was developed as a screening tool to assist people in identifying whether their sexual behaviors are cause for concern. It is important when taking the 45 question test, you answer honestly so your results are accurate. Once you take the assessment, you will be provided a report containing a graph that shows how many of the 20 core items of sexual addiction your answers indicated. 

Follow the link below for the assessment.

Is there a Sex Addiction screening test?